I am tired of waiting.
There are many things in my life that I am currently waiting for: my birthday, my tax return, dinner… But more importantly, I’m waiting for answers. I mentioned last week that I applied and interviewed to serve as a NET missionary for the next school year (You can read more about NET on their website http://www.netusa.org/). I was told I would have an answer within two weeks and it has been a week and two days… So I’m waiting. They send a letter regardless of if you’ve been accepted or not, and I just want mine to get here!
The response from NET is actually important. If I don’t get accepted, then I will have to figure out where I’m going to be living and working next year. I hate feeling like I am in the lurch because I don’t have any control.
Isn’t that always the way?
The crazy thing is that I DO have control. I was given free will. I may not be able to guarantee one way or the other what I am doing, but I made the decision to apply, I made the decision to relocated to Dallas, I make decisions each and every day, many of which are not the choices that I know God would want me to be making. I do my best, but I fail consistently and daily.
The thing that I am doing best is being impatient and deciding to do nothing instead of making productive decisions. Like I said, I make decisions all day, everyday, but often, my decision is to watch tv by myself in my bedroom (case in point- I started this post over an hour ago), and not do anything else. Meanwhile, my bedroom is a mess, my laundry remains undone, I put school off until the last minute. All because I’m waiting for my life to happen.
I am not seeking… well, anything. I’m not seeking friendship, hobbies, etc. because I just want them to appear because God wants to give them to me. I am afraid to pray about my future because I am afraid of what God may say. Which is stupid. God wants me in Heaven with Him when I die, so His will for me while I am on the earth is ordered towards that.
Whatever happens with NET, will happen because God wills it. I just need to be proactive in figuring out a plan.
Like my mom told me: Circumstances don’t define you. YOU define you and if you submit your will to God’s, then He defines you. What more are you looking for? What else could you do?