There is a blessing and a curse to be found with the stat counter that WordPress gives me.
The blessing is that I know there are some people out there reading my blog. The curse is that I know there are people reading my blog, and that the majority of them are referred through Facebook.
Recently, Facebook has become a huge bummer in my life. Every time I log on, I see people’s endless pictures of happy times with their bff’s, fiances, children, etc… and I’m over here like “lol i don’t have any of that.”
I used to say that I don’t care if people read, and that I would blog anyway. To an extent, that is still true. I would blog, regardless of readership, because putting my thoughts down and out is really important to me.
However, I love knowing that I have readers. It feels like a community, almost. There are people who are taking time out of their day to read what I’m writing, and in the five or so minutes it takes to read a post that I wrote, they are thinking of me. Maybe they will say a prayer for me. And my community expands. Every time someone reads my blog, someone gains a new perspective (that happens to be mine). When I write about things like depression or chastity or dating, I’m putting my spin on my experiences, and perhaps a reader out there needed to hear it. Maybe someone needed to know that someone is suffering through something with them.
Right now, I need community anywhere I can find it. I’m spending a lot of time with my coworkers, and they are great, but I don’t get the Catholic fellowship I desire from them, as fun as they are. I go to the college life bible study at my church and it’s definitely something, but it is not exactly what I want. I know one person well, and everyone else is a stranger, basically. The content is good, but the intellectual aspect is lacking. I go to school online so I’m not getting an in-person experience there either.
My sweet friend, Mary, and I talked about the possibility of creating a home group out here, which would be similar to a household. I miss my household from Denver so much– anything like that out here would be awesome. (PS- any single, Catholic women in Dallas who happen to somehow read this… need community? let me know!) Just women who love Jesus spending time together loving Jesus and each other. I mean, why is that so hard to come about?
In any case, despite my desperation for community, I can’t be on Facebook right now. I’m not going to deactivate it because it’s actually really convenient. And I want readers (shameless, I know.) However, I am fasting. I’m no longer endlessly scrolling through people’s lives and experiencing jealousy and resentment. I’m no longer torturing myself with the images of my ex hanging out with all of my friends as I scramble to meet any people, anywhere, who could even possibly come close to being authentic friends. I can’t do it. I’m exhausted.
I’m remaining on other social media and am reachable if anyone should want to contact me.
Just not on Facebook. Sigh. I never thought I would come to this. I used to truly love Facebook.
Read this and have a better day.
Love love love!