Despair and Identity (NASx2)

linking up both a week late and two days late and many dollars short with morgan and my other friends from the not alone series.

Soooo I apologize for the lack of truly content-oriented blogging in the past few days/weeks. We had family in town. Life is crazy. I fell off a horse. Etc. However, I feel the need to share on the topics of despairing about your vocation and who are you as a single. Because I have pleeeeenty of experience with the first, and I’m learning how to deal with the second, and in my personal experience, they basically intertwine.

So here we go.


Oftentimes, we feel we KNOW our vocation. We are discernment experts, and fo’ sho’, we  know that God has created us specifically for marriage or the religious life and we will never be happy until we fulfill it. We’ll also never be happy if we somehow find ourselves living a different vocation than THE ONE that the Big Man planned. But honestly, does that even really make sense at all?

Truthfully, our vocation is doing whatever it takes to get to Heaven. We are called to be holy, to pursue what will sanctify us, and to honor God above all else. Yes, our relationship status can make a difference. But in truth, marriage will not make you holy. Religious life will not make you holy.  Marriages are holy when the spouses are pursuing their vocation of Heaven and encouraging each other to get there. Women consecrated to Jesus are holy when they live our their true vocation of seeking Heaven. God’s desire for us is to join Him in Heaven. That is our ultimate vocation.

Yes. God has a plan. He might rather you consecrate yourself to Him in religious life. BUT if you don’t discern that, and end up getting married, your vocation becomes marriage. Just like there is not exactly one person in the world that you could marry. Vocation is not a black and white thing. Sometimes that’s the hardest part.

We often despair and plead to God, “Pleeeeease just tell me what my vocation is so that I know and I can start planning and if I’m not going to get married I don’t have to worry about never being asked out on a date and I can start looking at orders and if I am called to marriage I can just go ahead and set up my account so that my future husband has an easier job of finding me and why haven’t You answered my question yet? What am I supposed to do with my life? What if I am supposed to meet my future husband at my next job and I end up getting the wrong degree and we never cross paths and Jesus where are You?” 

(not that I have ever had this stream of consciousness in prayer. toooootally hypothetical.)

In reality, our call is merely to seek God and listen. Listen to the whispers that lead us to holy decision making, that lead us to pursuing Heaven and life in eternity. Listen to the call, which can be faint.


….. I am still working this one out. Though I’ve had some pretty useful revelations recently. When I let Him, Jesus is slowly revealing truths in my heart. I need to write a post about what I’ve been learning about psychology through my counseling sessions that will make this make more sense. For now, I will leave this broad statement and just write some general things about me as a single:

  • I’m lonely. I have to continually fight loneliness, and constantly pursue friendship.
  • I am more attentive to the people around me. When I was dating, I allowed that relationship to cloud all others. I ignored people who were important in order to spend all my time with that person. I’m trying to do better now.
  • I am more aware of myself. I am learning to find my identity in Christ alone.
  • I am working on my flaws.
  • I am trying to be the best melancholic-phlegmatic I can be.
  • I am trying to embrace myself.
  • I am trying to love myself.

Being single is hard. But it’s also not the end of the world. It’s just the thing that is.


I have this as the background on my phone as a reminder: There is WONDERFUL joy ahead. I am a daughter of the King. He has planned for my joy.

I love you, my sweet sisters who read this. I’m sorry I’m so terrible about posting on time!

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4 Responses to Despair and Identity (NASx2)

  1. Anonymous says:

    Don’t put yourself down for having enjoyed being in a relationship. It is normal to spend less time with your friends when you have a boyfriend or are married. It seems that you enjoyed being part of a couple, so go out into the world, knowing that you risk rejection for your Catholic beliefs, and find your Uncle Brooke – he’s out there, but you have to give God a chance to bring him to you. Being lonely stinks, and don’t try to correlate loneliness with a lack of love for God. God’s most loyal servants have experienced human loneliness. Get out in the world, go on retreats, smile at strangers and you will meet someone who will adore you and make your heart sing.

  2. Pingback: Reconciling with One’s Self | seeking virtue in a vicious world

  3. This is great! :) I can relate to everything you said (maybe with the exception of spending so much time with the person I am dating… I don’t really have that experience) … but your feelings on most everything. It’s all a balance… worrying about the future vs being content with the right now. Spending alll of your time with your boyfriend vs with your family/friends. Thinking about who we are NOT vs thinking about who God sees us as. Do I have the perfect way to balance all of those?? Nope. But, I do know the closer we are with the Lord, everything else makes more sense. You can’t really go wrong with that, ya know??

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