Friends with Guys {NAS}

not-alone-series

So this week’s topic on the NAS is about being friends with guys. Which, when I was dating, I was noooot. I had some male acquaintances that I would consider “friends” but I wasn’t comfortable sharing my heart with them, or really pursuing authentic friendship… because it isn’t really necessary.

Now that I’m single, I do have more guy friends, but they are all my coworkers and people that I just would never even consider dating. People always say that the reason guys and girls can’t be friends is because someone will always be attracted to the other person, buuuut despite attraction, I wouldn’t be giving up my virtue for any of these guys, you know?

When I get married… I don’t think having a male friend will be necessary… I think couple friends are necessary for sure. But just straight up dude friends? Not a thing. And vice versa. I was extremely jealous of a girl that I was good friends with when my ex and I were together, because they were close friends. It’s important to know people of the opposite gender, but honestly, being bff’s with a guy is usually not the best idea. Your future relationship isn’t worth it.

Linking up this week with Jen and the other lovelies from this series.

Alsooooo I’m participating with the OTHER Jen (of Conversion Diary fame) in her epic blogging challenge, which means a post from me every day for seven days. AH. Can’t handle it. But I’m going to try.

Catch ya TOMORROW, lovebugs.

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5 Responses to Friends with Guys {NAS}

  1. Veronica says:

    Gah, you’re right. Having guy friends in the future won’t be a “thing”, but that pains me. I love my guy friends!!

  2. Anonymous says:

    We have different types of friendships with even our close girlfriends. Being able to share one’s heart is not a necessary criteria for every friendship. We have friends who comfort us, those we shop with, go out to eat with. Sharing your heart with even your closest girlfriends can be disappointing, especially when you don’t receive the support you were anticipating. Refrain from over thinking life and the mystery of God, and start dating with the goal of finding your future husband, as I believe that living a traditional married life, hopefully filled with children, will bring you joy and peace. I know this doesn’t sound modern, but I firmly believe that having a close male friend when you are married can lead to unwanted, unanticipated consequences, as when we share our hearts attraction occurs.

  3. Alyssa Lehto aka your bff+e says:

    This, my dearest friend, is where I have to disagree with you… slightly. I completely agree that once married or seriously dating having significant, deep friendships with the opposite sex can lead to many issues. As my mother would say, any relationship that makes your spouse uncomfortable is considered cheating. While my definition is not exactly as critical I would agree that it “can lead to unwanted, unanticipated consequences”. BUT I think the line becomes a bit blurred when we start talking about male friends you have had for years versus a brand new boyfriend. While I do not have a plethora of male friends I do have several that I consider my best friends that I have shared parts of my heart with. That is just the thing though, only parts of my heart. Male/ female friendships will always look different then female/female friendship as it should, because we are different. I would even say that you should not and CANNOT share your whole heart with anyone except your spouse. Simply because without God’s grace (specifically through the sacrament of marriage) it is impossible to even know your own heart completely let alone be able to articulate everything about yourself to someone else. Yes, even other women.

    While I know that once I start seriously dating someone those male/ female relationships I have will look different it certainly will not disappear. It is through my friendships with guys that I came to fully understand my worth as a daughter of God. Because even though I was not dating these guys or related to them they still respected and RECOGNIZEED my dignity as a person and a woman. Through that respect came deep friendship, loyalty, and trust that is not going to go away no matter who I start dating. And so I would say that male friendships are necessary because our dignity should always be upheld by all not just our fathers and husbands. With that said it is important that we are aware of ourselves and that there is honesty behind our intentions. You should not be good friends with men you are attracted to nor with men that are attracted to you because in those situations someone will always get hurt.

    • I agree! I think I’m just still reeling from what happened. Their deep friendship, whether we want to admit it or not, led to me feeling cheated on and their eventual relationship.

      When I think about sharing of one’s heart, I think of it in the sense of our Heart Speak. We approach the situation differently. I cannot share myself with a boy that way, even a boy I’m dating. I absolutely agree that only through the sacrament of marriage do we fully come to know another person.

      I think the issue lies with girls who have no female friends, sisters, etc. and are constantly surrounded by male influence because they have the hardest time recognizing their worth among other women.

  4. More than male or female, what I found to matter once I became engaged and married to my husband was having friends that knew us and not just me. I will admit I don’t really have guy friends. A few acquaintences at work but that’s it. I had some before we were engaged but we grew apart which was ok with me. More surprising to me were the girlfriends I grew apart from. Some of my friends I am still extremely close to and those are the ones who have made the effort to know not just me, but my husband too. He is such a huge part of my life that the girlfriends who had no desire to know him at all eventually drifted away. It’s weird but when you find that person God wants you to be with, you just know it and will want to be around people who value you as well as your boyfriend/spouse.

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