Not Alone Series | Why Not Both?

not alone

Today we are discussing the difficulties that single people (read: unmarried) and married face in friendships with each other. Unmarried people do not know what it is like to be married, and newlyweds are caught up in the romance of their new life.

Truth be told, most of my friends are single/unmarried, and we spend a lot of time talking about what it will be like to be married. I think we might fall into a “grass is greener” complex, where we assume that marriage tends to be butterflies and roses, while being single is like being in the trenches. And while I know very few newlyweds, my friends who have been married a long time have made it clear that marriage is a battle as well. Being married is not a free pass to an easier life.

As a (recently) single (again) woman (more to come), I know I get caught up in the idea that marriage = constant love all the time, no holds barred, everything will be perfect forever and ever amen. I know this because every time I am in a relationship with someone, and they express a desire to marry me sometime down the line, I feel a sense of relief. THANK GOODNESS, I AM DESIRABLE, SOMEONE HAS SEEN MY FLAWS AND STILL LOVES ME AND WILL LOVE ME FOREVER!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 XOXOXOXO

And obviously, no man can ever do that for me besides Jesus. And it is so easy for me to lose sight of that. I don’t know if people who are already married struggle to see that truth, but I know that I cannot get married to someone until I believe that wholeheartedly.

I want to think that being married won’t change how I relate to my unmarried friends. I know that priorities shift, and in marriage, the two become one, but I would like to believe that my future husband will understand the importance of healthy friendships beyond our union.

As an oldest daughter, born to an oldest daughter, born to an oldest daughter (the cycle might not end there, but I got tired of asking), nurture is in my nature. I have a sixth sense for those who need affection and I tend to be drawn to those people. At my job, I have two girls who call me Mama, just because they know that I love them. And that isn’t unusual for me, and I would hope being married wouldn’t change that.

I wouldn’t want a husband to prevent me from fully loving the people around me. Love should always multiply. The more we love the Father, the greater our love for those around us. I think that whoever I marry will recognize my need to have relationships beyond ours, to share the love between us with those outside of our marriage.

I think it’s totally possible to have both/all. Jesus, husband, friends… Each are good, and necessary, and through the first, bring immeasurable joy to our lives.

Now, head over to see the wonderful Miss Jen, who is hosting this week, and be prepared for another post from me soon. Love you all so much.

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4 Responses to Not Alone Series | Why Not Both?

  1. hilla143 says:

    I love this! Hang in there. We discuss this a lot, because I love people. And J loves people. But sometimes I will want to go on a girls date, and sometimes he will want to go on a boys date. We have established that we WILL tell each other if being the third wheel is not an option. I am still planning on looking forward to my girl time, because I think it’s so important!

    (There will be plenty of time for you ;))

  2. proverbialgirlfriend says:

    I LOVE that line: “Love should always multiply.”! I, too, am in a relationship turning to thoughts of the future, and we sometimes take it as a guarantee that it will always be easy and fun and awesome. So it’s good to have married people around to bring us back to earth! (Of course, I also feel married people shouldn’t harp on the “hard” parts too much either–might scare some people off! :P Hard means you’re going from C- pre-algebra straight to AP calculus. Challenging is going from A+ -student trig to AP calculus. :P Call marriage challenging, married folks…”

  3. Catheriiiiine! I am sending more hugs to you, my dear.
    And, such a good post. I, too, thinks it’s completely possible to have Jesus/friends/hubby. If Jesus is the connection of all of them, then by all means He will make it happen. :)

  4. caroline abbott says:

    Well, a couple of truths from an old married lady: 1. Being married doesn’t mean infinite love all the time, sadly. But a good marriage is great. A bad marriage is worse, (WAY worse) than being single. 2. Being married takes up a lot of your time, if you do it right. So, you may NOT have as much time for your friends, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up on your friendships altogether. They just might change. Hope this helps! Love you!

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