Today we are discussing the difficulties that single people (read: unmarried) and married face in friendships with each other. Unmarried people do not know what it is like to be married, and newlyweds are caught up in the romance of their new life.
Truth be told, most of my friends are single/unmarried, and we spend a lot of time talking about what it will be like to be married. I think we might fall into a “grass is greener” complex, where we assume that marriage tends to be butterflies and roses, while being single is like being in the trenches. And while I know very few newlyweds, my friends who have been married a long time have made it clear that marriage is a battle as well. Being married is not a free pass to an easier life.
As a (recently) single (again) woman (more to come), I know I get caught up in the idea that marriage = constant love all the time, no holds barred, everything will be perfect forever and ever amen. I know this because every time I am in a relationship with someone, and they express a desire to marry me sometime down the line, I feel a sense of relief. THANK GOODNESS, I AM DESIRABLE, SOMEONE HAS SEEN MY FLAWS AND STILL LOVES ME AND WILL LOVE ME FOREVER!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 XOXOXOXO
And obviously, no man can ever do that for me besides Jesus. And it is so easy for me to lose sight of that. I don’t know if people who are already married struggle to see that truth, but I know that I cannot get married to someone until I believe that wholeheartedly.
I want to think that being married won’t change how I relate to my unmarried friends. I know that priorities shift, and in marriage, the two become one, but I would like to believe that my future husband will understand the importance of healthy friendships beyond our union.
As an oldest daughter, born to an oldest daughter, born to an oldest daughter (the cycle might not end there, but I got tired of asking), nurture is in my nature. I have a sixth sense for those who need affection and I tend to be drawn to those people. At my job, I have two girls who call me Mama, just because they know that I love them. And that isn’t unusual for me, and I would hope being married wouldn’t change that.
I wouldn’t want a husband to prevent me from fully loving the people around me. Love should always multiply. The more we love the Father, the greater our love for those around us. I think that whoever I marry will recognize my need to have relationships beyond ours, to share the love between us with those outside of our marriage.
I think it’s totally possible to have both/all. Jesus, husband, friends… Each are good, and necessary, and through the first, bring immeasurable joy to our lives.
Now, head over to see the wonderful Miss Jen, who is hosting this week, and be prepared for another post from me soon. Love you all so much.